Roller Coaster...

I leave for Africa in two days…

I am so excited, scared, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, and so many other emotions. The closer this trip gets the more I realize how unprepared I really am. First of all I know that I am kinda high maintenance and camping is not really my thing. I don’t like bugs, or animals, or dirt, and I am really picky when it comes to food. I like taking long showers and being nice and clean. So like many people, this week, I have been questioning why I am going on this trip. Being so overwhelmed with all it takes to pack your life in 100 pounds for 2 months to live out in the bush of Africa has really been getting to me the past couple of days. Then on top of wondering why I am going to a place so far away from anything I have ever known this has been a tough week in other ways. People keep asking me if I am ready…I keep smiling and just saying um yah I guess so. Honestly I don’t think I will ever be ready for this trip. This past week I have become really discouraged whenever I think about Niger. I keep thinking about the things I a missing out on this summer (graduation parties, birthday parties, spending time with my family, vacations, etc...) Everything hit me this week...my check engine light came on so I fixed that, then my car broke down so I fixed that, then I needed new plates and a new license, then I had to pay my speeding ticket, I had some other things I had to take care of and then I needed new tires on my car...all while I am trying to raise and save money for my trip. Thankfully my daddy and Kimberly put the tires on my car so I didn't have to worry about that and the other things for my car weren't that expensive but still it was frustrating. So going through all this and then seeing all the new summer clothes and things makes me wonder if I should have just stayed home and worked this summer... I keep thinking about how the summer would be if I didn't go to Africa...if I waited for a better time. But I have come to realize that there never will be a "better" time. God has placed this amazing opportunity in my lap and even if I cannot see it right now this is the best time for me to go. I know that God is sending me so far away from anything I have ever known for a reason and now I just have to be open to seeing what that reason is. There are always going to be parties and vacations and family time that I will have to miss out on, but the experiences I am going to have this summer will never compare. So I am ready...yes I am extremely nervous and scared but I am ready. Of course I still have bags to pack and goodbyes to say but for the most part I am ready.